“Yeah her name is Christy”
— “Christy – __________?”
fuck me right? FUCK. How the hell am I suppose to know that every producer, knows, everyone in between local hardstyles. It’s like I have to use my real name when I’m doing this, Aliases don’t work. I mean its so damn simple to just audition, or volunteer for something.. and just be judged on that alone. And you’re not even really judged for quality either. Everyone thinks you’re a damn easy lay. and unfortunately thats not true for everyone, some people have actually practiced ballet and do these sort of things because they ENJOY doing it.
And whoever else knows you, they have some guys name attached to yours. By association, they were just standard “Squeezes” but once you’re single.. guys friends are like hungry dogs fighting to lick up the leftovers. It’s a little sick, that I can see it in some of their eyes when they look at me.. It’s like you know exactly what they’re thinking when they have this smile, this gleam about them.. that makes me want to vomit. I get so sick of myself sometimes. When its time to face what I’ve become I almost cant do it.
But it’s okay because when you finish a semester, and you have time off to be called into doing more.. you kind of forget who you were and take a trip back to your “roots” which I call downtown now. If I was referring back to where I grew up in that little town up north, there wouldn’t be anything to do. In fact, it’s so much different living from there and here. My friends from there will say “Don’t move back here! Don’t move back with your Dad!” They kept saying it because they knew the kind of person I was when I’d leave his house, or even sleep there, or anything. I was always just so.. sad on the inside, even though I managed the depression well with many many, random, random, people who seemed escapist to me. Living that way, made me happier. Relationships were short and to the point. The only BAD thing about living up there.. was that like everyone knew eachother! I mean only a population over 50,000 but such a small place. I stopped my vehicle at a major gas station, a guy I may or may not have been dating was holding my door open and looking down at me.. questioning, something idk. I eventually got out of the car and made out with him, then I started walking to the store, and a guy in a black truck was just staring at me smiling. I kinda walked up to him like, do I know you? then it hit me — he was …dfd uhhh Jeremys friend. And I was Jeremys girlfriend. and of course I did the dumbest thing of all “Please Please Please dont tell” —“yeah I wont.. so yanno, whatsup..”
Guy was named Joe. OF course he was a scumbag. Just like all the other guys. Then again I was a total hoe, just like all the other girls up there.
And Houston isnt any different. All the local dub/electro artists and edm families down here. God you have to completely change your hair color, or extensions, or your total look to become unrecognizable. I just hate when people introduce themselves as “friends” already and I have no fucking idea who these people are. I’d rather meet someone as a stranger, not with this predicated image already set into the citys social quo.
Sometimes I have to lie, just so other people can move on.
It’s because I know whats best, for you.